Yesterday, one of my good friends send this picture to me.
I loved it a lot and read it again again. What it could be means i have thought? What it could be means?
Then i looked in the back and saw that there is a big hole in my heart. And it made me tough, scared, hurt, closed my ears and heart even made me angry with God. I had questioning Him every night about why He let it happen to me. And I became worse mommy. Didnt have joy, strength to spend good times with my 4 little kids as before. We were decided to homeschool our kids but i was so weary, so unpatient for it and then sent 3 of kids to local school, where they are suffering now. Do not get me wrong. School is not bad. But homeschool is the best option for our family. And where we are now (We are waiving hi to Syria) is little bit different than other places. Anyway kids are having hard time at the school.
Two and the half year ago, we lost our twins in my belly on our anniversary. It was a hard time, it s hard time. And we were/are thinking about kids are blessing and we like to have bunch of them. Then I had a miscarriage and lost my 2 kids. I wanted to be pregnant again as soon as possible. Then God blessed us with Meera which means blessing in Hindi. But then i was full with fears even God made many miracles at our lives.
But I was still angry with God. For many reasons. While I grew up I didnt feel beloved. And choosed Jesus after read John 3:16. And then I just ask Him that He also lost His love to me.
But few days ago, fell on my knees and take away the clouds that i put between me and Him. Then I understood He was always the same. His loves was always the same but I was the one who put the clouds between our relationship. So i couldnt see His love, couldnt hear His voice.
And now old me (even better me) turned back when i took this clouds. Kids can see the differences.
So dear sisters, take away the clouds between you and Him.
Sometimes we are feeling weary, lost, unpatient, not enough at all. That s right We Are. But His love, his strength is the one help us.
Just take away the clouds. Let His love shine like the sun.